Perfectionism is obviously nothing new but, in the age of social media, it’s become far more prevalent. Scrolling through carefully curated profiles all day is enough to make almost anyone feel inadequate. The resulting perfectionism (not technically a diagnosis) can:
Good insights, & good advice! Though I'm not a Christian (I don't subscribe to any religion at all, though I greatly appreciate insights from Buddhism), I can see the wisdom in the biblical quote!
I am not speaking for everyone, of course—but in my case, I had to figure out that perfectionism—again, for me—is rooted in fear.
I realized I was trying, sometimes desperately, and most often largely unconsciously, to mitigate future suffering for myself, or the ones I dearly love, by reducing my own mistakes.
I’m 48, and apparently a late-bloomer. It was only after my 40th birthday that I finally figured out, by God’s grace and His loving words to my spirit, a few principles that I had been ignorant of:
1) mistakes aren’t the same as sin. (I’m sure most of you are shocked I had to learn that.) How we respond to mistakes, ours or someone else’s, can end up being sinful itself if we resist the truth in pride), but an honest mistake is not. This principle eliminated a quarter of the obstacle for me, but I was still trying to eliminate all mistakes—albeit, now with a freer conscience—in an attempt to mitigate future pain, though.
2) Just because someone is angry at me, doesn’t (necessarily) mean I did something wrong. (Although my social skills are often lacking and very often I did do something wrong, or something unthoughtful, out of ignorance.) That one was the hardest to believe, and 6 years later I’m still working on reprogramming myself away from that core belief lie. Remembering how often the Pharisees were pissed at and hated Jesus, who was and is sinless, helps me believe it if I did *not do anything wrong.
And for when I *did do something wrong:
Finally, 3) when YHWH showed me that He was, of course, interested in everything I do, but how I respond to what mistakes, or sin, I learn I made or committed is generally ***much more important*** than the error or original sin—that is, how very cosmically powerful humility and repentance are—I could relax, and began to make fewer mistakes. I may not be able to go back and undo the damage, no matter how much I would long to, but I can use the spiritual, moral and Kingdom authority gained from humility and surrender to turn the tides in the greater spiritual war we were all born into. When we respond in humility, it turns the enemy’s weapons back on to himself. We may ache from loss, but the forces of darkness are devastated many powers of ten beyond the hit we took.
Fear truly was one of the primary drivers behind my perfectionism (still is, really), and learning the truth has, quite a bit, set me free from it. I still have a long way to go, but what a night/day difference life is for me now. If fear is the driver for you too, I bless you in Jesus’s name to have an increased capacity to recognize, receive, and respond to His perfect love, and watch fear lose its hold on your life, forever.
It's simple, but impossible without the grace of God.
Amen, brother... 🙏
Interesting topic Mickey.
I heard this, the Hebrew meaning of the word perfect, as used in scripture is "complete" or "whole."
The word integrity means whole as well.
Perfectionism is not this. It lacks humanity.
I think our mistaken concept of "perfect" is at its root anti-human.
Bless you, Regina, for this valuable added context! 🙏
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"Perfect is the enemy of good."
- Voltaire
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We are perfect just the way we are - imperfect.
🙏
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Good insights, & good advice! Though I'm not a Christian (I don't subscribe to any religion at all, though I greatly appreciate insights from Buddhism), I can see the wisdom in the biblical quote!
🙏
Perfect punch line - thanks Mickey!!
🙏
I am not speaking for everyone, of course—but in my case, I had to figure out that perfectionism—again, for me—is rooted in fear.
I realized I was trying, sometimes desperately, and most often largely unconsciously, to mitigate future suffering for myself, or the ones I dearly love, by reducing my own mistakes.
I’m 48, and apparently a late-bloomer. It was only after my 40th birthday that I finally figured out, by God’s grace and His loving words to my spirit, a few principles that I had been ignorant of:
1) mistakes aren’t the same as sin. (I’m sure most of you are shocked I had to learn that.) How we respond to mistakes, ours or someone else’s, can end up being sinful itself if we resist the truth in pride), but an honest mistake is not. This principle eliminated a quarter of the obstacle for me, but I was still trying to eliminate all mistakes—albeit, now with a freer conscience—in an attempt to mitigate future pain, though.
2) Just because someone is angry at me, doesn’t (necessarily) mean I did something wrong. (Although my social skills are often lacking and very often I did do something wrong, or something unthoughtful, out of ignorance.) That one was the hardest to believe, and 6 years later I’m still working on reprogramming myself away from that core belief lie. Remembering how often the Pharisees were pissed at and hated Jesus, who was and is sinless, helps me believe it if I did *not do anything wrong.
And for when I *did do something wrong:
Finally, 3) when YHWH showed me that He was, of course, interested in everything I do, but how I respond to what mistakes, or sin, I learn I made or committed is generally ***much more important*** than the error or original sin—that is, how very cosmically powerful humility and repentance are—I could relax, and began to make fewer mistakes. I may not be able to go back and undo the damage, no matter how much I would long to, but I can use the spiritual, moral and Kingdom authority gained from humility and surrender to turn the tides in the greater spiritual war we were all born into. When we respond in humility, it turns the enemy’s weapons back on to himself. We may ache from loss, but the forces of darkness are devastated many powers of ten beyond the hit we took.
Fear truly was one of the primary drivers behind my perfectionism (still is, really), and learning the truth has, quite a bit, set me free from it. I still have a long way to go, but what a night/day difference life is for me now. If fear is the driver for you too, I bless you in Jesus’s name to have an increased capacity to recognize, receive, and respond to His perfect love, and watch fear lose its hold on your life, forever.
Thank you, my friend, for such a heartfelt response and for your generous blessing. I will learn from your experiences and will pray for you. 🙏