Perfectionism is obviously nothing new but, in the age of social media, it’s become far more prevalent. Scrolling through carefully curated profiles all day is enough to make almost anyone feel inadequate.
The resulting perfectionism (not technically a diagnosis) can:
Skew our expectations of ourselves and others
Lower self-esteem
Increase anxiety
Cause social withdrawal and general procrastination
Scare us out of trying new things
Have us constantly comparing ourselves to others
Get us stuck in black-and-white thinking
Spoiler Alert: You Can Resist the Perfectionist Mindset
Of course, every person and every case is different. That said, some general approaches can apply widely. The first step is self-awareness — even if it uncomfortably feels like you’re admitting “flaws.” In order to create a shift of any kind, we must be willing to start looking within.
From there:
Accept Your Humanity
Perfection is impossible (except in the divine form described at the end of this post). Thus, it can be a breakthrough to start trying activities that challenge you to struggle. Miscues will happen and you’ll discover that they’re not the nightmare you imagined. In turn, it will rewire your brain to no longer fear mistakes as a high-risk, must-avoid danger.
Put Away Your Devices
Trading digital life for real life on a regular basis is an excellent reminder that everyone has so-called flaws and imperfections — yet somehow, they’re out there living their lives. Take regular tech breaks.
Choose “Meaningful” Over “Perfect”
Trade the goal of perfection for the goal of meaning. Gain a sense of purpose and mission from what you choose to do without worrying about likes, notifications, or external approval. You can reclaim agency by being the arbiter of your happiness which can feel, well… kinda perfect.
I’ll end with the “one big exception” promised in this post’s title, by turning to Matthew 5:38-48:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person.
If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.
And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles.
Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.
He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?
And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?
Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”
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It's simple, but impossible without the grace of God.
Interesting topic Mickey.
I heard this, the Hebrew meaning of the word perfect, as used in scripture is "complete" or "whole."
The word integrity means whole as well.
Perfectionism is not this. It lacks humanity.
I think our mistaken concept of "perfect" is at its root anti-human.