When the Pharisees complained that Jesus ate and drank with sinners, he answered: “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” (Luke 5:29-32)
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Two thousand years later, when people in need don’t behave precisely as we expect and demand, they are scorned and deemed unworthy of being helped.
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You can consider today’s post to be a follow-up to something I wrote recently:
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Back in the pre-lockdown days of my mission, I knew a tiny, frail homeless woman who was probably in her early 20s. For this post, I’ll call her Brenda.
Although she was struggling with a drug issue, Brenda loved cats and took comfort in caring for them. In fact, she rescued a couple of kittens and would carefully guard them. (The packages I’d bring to her always included cat food.)
Some local cat volunteers deemed Brenda incapable of caring for them and asked her to give the kittens away. She refused, so one night, the rescuers catnapped the kittens while the homeless woman slept. Brenda was heartbroken, still crying sloppy tears when I saw her the following day.
I hung out for a while to console her — as a seemingly endless parade of passersby took it all in. When I eventually hugged her and left, I moved to the corner and waited for the light to change. I ended up standing next to a 30-something man, dressed like someone with an office job.
The man leaned over and offered this bit of unsolicited advice [sic]: “You know, whatever money you give these people will just go to buying drugs.”
I was already feeling lots of emotions so my response was, um… disproportionate to this man’s predictable and deeply conditioned callousness. Without replaying the entire episode, I can tell you that as we crossed the street, the man definitely began to regret having said anything to me.
When we reached the other side, he took off without looking back. People were staring at me and I was not exactly proud of myself. But I cared deeply about Brenda (and the cats). Also, once the phrase “these people” is evoked, I will not remain silent.
Anyway, shortly after that episode, Brenda vanished. Raquel (who I wrote about here) informed me Brenda had been raped and no one had seen her since. All these years later, if I’m ever in that section of Manhattan, I look for her.
So… what’s my point?
I’m not interested in debating the merits of homeless people having pets or the causes of drug addiction. What has me sadly puzzled is how casually people can dismiss a person in need unless they conform to arbitrary expectations.
“I worked hard to get by, why can’t they?”
“Why do they expect help when they don’t help themselves?”
“It’s their fault for getting hooked on drugs.”
“I once knew a poor person who scammed the system.”
“Why won’t they accept what I think they need?”
The list goes on — and all of it validates the meme up top. It also makes things harder for those who’ve hit rock bottom.
Let me tell you about another woman I helped who regularly faced harsh, persistent judgment.
Tracy wound up living on the street because her male partner sent her to the hospital. She was given opioids and discharged. With no close family to call, Tracy was ashamed to tell anyone else she knew about what happened. In short order, she was sleeping in a city park and the opioids were stolen from her.
She was in agonizing pain and going into withdrawal. A local band of homeless people in her age range turned her on to heroin and accepted her into the group. When Tracy tried to kick the habit, the group abandoned her — leaving her dangerously exposed to violence and sexual assault. She chose safety and was soon hooked again.
By the time I met her, Tracy was again kicking the habit and going it alone. I introduced myself and asked if she wanted some food and supplies.
Reflexively, she started rattling off all she was doing to rebuild her life. This included going to medical appointments, being assigned a social worker, etc. She anxiously showed me paperwork so I’d believe her.
“I’m rooting for you and thrilled to hear you’re doing all of this,” I replied, “but I’d help you even if you weren’t.”
She was too shocked to reply right then and there but she became a regular. We’d have some epic conversations. The last I heard of Tracy, she had relentlessly navigated an inhumane system and gotten housing right before the lockdowns were imposed.
Have I been lied to in the 7-plus years I’ve run this project? Of course, I have.
Have I been duped a few times throughout my life when I went out of my way to help someone? Surely… and it doesn't change my perspective a tiny bit.
I’m no one’s judge. I have the desire and resources (thanks to donations from good folks like you) to provide a small measure of relief. It never crosses my mind to create a high-handed, self-serving litmus test to decide if someone “deserves” a smile, a friendly conversation, or a cold bottle of water on a hot day.
Let’s say one out of every 50 people I’ve helped in my life has duped me. It sucks that I lost resources that could’ve gone to someone else, but still:
How awesome is it that I made a difference for the other 49?!?
So yeah, I don’t flinch when I see countless homeless men claiming to be veterans. And I can’t even calculate how many homeless women have panhandling signs bearing words like “Homeless and Pregnant.”
Lying is not a righteous path but these folks are barely surviving by their wits within a culture that demonizes them and relishes any opportunity to wield power (or a superiority complex) over them.
Side note: I find it fascinating to ponder how many of the folks who reflexively call homeless people frauds and scammers are cheating on their taxes, lying on their resumes, hiding behind fake names online, and maintaining dating app profiles that are essentially fiction (to name but a few casual transgressions).
Musings like this highlight how prideful people can be when rattling off how they “played the game,” surrendered more than half their waking hours to a mind-numbing, soul-draining job, and thus never ended up sleeping on the subway and asking strangers for money.
Why are we so proud to be a wage slave and to “earn a living”?
What kind of society have we collectively cultivated in which it’s even necessary for human beings to “earn a living”?
Why are so many humans triggered by vulnerable, troubled individuals? Could it be they feel as if they’re looking in a mirror?
Maybe it’s also because to truly go deep on poverty and inequality requires us to ask some very complicated questions about a country we were programmed since childhood to cherish without question.
To anyone who requires someone to adhere to your personal blueprint of “giving,” I say: Simply ignore those who don’t fit your rigid profile. There’s no need to rant and rave or kick them while they’re down. (Hey, if you really need to aim some rage at big-time leeches and freeloaders, the CEOs, bankers, politicians, bureaucrats, etc. are standing right there in plain sight.)
To any of you who truly want to help people, please do so without adding more shame to their situation. There’s no need to set up an obstacle course — especially when all you’re doing is handing them a couple of bucks or some doggie bag leftovers.
As for my approach, I have no delusions that I’m solving anyone’s long-term life problems. I want to, of course, and I’m trying to find ways to make it happen.
But, for now, I’m doing my best to meet their humanity with mine and offer some direct relief. Sometimes, that’s precisely what they need just to keep going.
P.S. Check out the meme up top one more time.
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No matter what, please spread the word by sharing the above links far and wide! Thank you, as always, for your kind and generous support. And if you cross paths with a homeless woman or any vulnerable soul, remember to be friendly and compassionate.
Thanks. That was good. Have a nice day.
Them/us.
It's all over the place. So much for inclusion! More people need to consider "There, but for the grace of God, go I."