“The vaccines are safe and effective.”
Up until the sixth grade, I was a nerd, a momma’s boy, and the smartest kid in my class. In a flash, that all began to change. Suddenly, as they say, I was running with the wrong crowd. This led to my parents paying closer attention to my behavior.
When a rash of false fire alarms hit our neighborhood, my mother came up with a scheme to make sure I wasn’t participating. The idea was to prevent me from pulling the easily accessible fire alarms that once appeared on every other corner. (Some of them are still around. See my photo below.)
“If you pull the fire alarm,” Mom warned, “you get blue dye on your hand. This way, the firemen can find out who did it.”
When I said I’d just wash it off, she embellished: “It only comes off with a special soap from the Fire Department.”
I participated in plenty of questionable activities in my misspent youth but notably, I never pulled a fire alarm. If I had, of course, I would’ve instantly discovered that my beloved mother had lied to me.
Then again, my father was a federal agent… and isn’t the entire premise of undercover work contingent upon bearing false witness?
And I have an uncle who convinced my sister and me that a man named “Kranak” lived under our floorboards. “If you make too much noise or run and jump in the apartment,” our uncle explained, “Kranak will open a little door in the floor and come after you.”
Another fib.
Of course, I went on to become a writer. Among my published works are three novels and what is fiction writing, if not fanciful fakery? I mean, we literally invent people, places, and things — and get paid for it.
Before you wonder if there’s something awful in my family’s DNA, please allow me to introduce some veracity into this discourse on falsehood: You lie all the time, too. We all do.
“Masks will protect you from a virus.”
We fudge our tax returns and enhance our resumes.
We use different identities online. Lots of different identities.
What about all those fictive dating profiles? And is there anyone out there whose life synchs up with their carefully curated social media personas?
Actors, filmmakers, lawyers, and poker players — among others — can all speak volumes about the lucrative properties of deception.
Doctors pretend all the time to either know or not know what’s wrong with their patients.
Sexual roleplaying is just a kinky form of prevarication.
I didn’t get your text.
The check is in the mail (or has been Venmo’d).
I didn’t realize I was going over the speed limit.
Your table will be ready in five minutes.
I don’t kiss on the first date.
I used to bench [insert big number here] in college.
Your baby/spouse/dog is gorgeous.
Okay, I’ll just have one drink.
I never got that jury duty notice.
You shouldn’t have! (before opening a gift)
I love it! (after opening a gift)
Don’t blame me, I was hacked!!!
We are all habitual liars.
Every. Single. One. Of. Us.
We swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Then we cross our fingers and let the disinformation flow.
Super obvious example: Politicians (especially during election campaigns).
Less obvious: Anyone who plays a sport on any level. What is “fake left and go right” if not a premeditated fabrication?
We read messages and then mark them unread.
We let phone calls go to voicemail, pretending we’re “too busy” to pick up.
We never, ever say “yes” when asked: “Does this make me look fat?”
Here’s a BIG one: Till Death Do We Part.
And then there was that time when your mother-in-law asked you to critique her experimental poetry in front of a room full of people. Could you really justify honesty as the best policy at that instant? Yeah, I didn’t think so.
Liar.
“To be safe, you must stay six feet apart.”
Does all this mendacity make us bad people?
Nakana Ide — co-author of a book called The Art of Lying — believes that “people who can tell lies well often have deeper and more interesting lives.”
The Art of Lying came out two decades ago. (Trust me on that.)
Today, well… welcome to 2022, Nakana.
Fake news
Alternative facts
Social media bots
Deep fakes
Clickbait
Artificial intelligence
Lies, white lies, lies of omission, exaggerations, broken promises, gaslighting, evasion, deflection, denial, plagiarism, frauds, fakes, and fibs — we are drowning in an ocean of deceit.
Human beings are collectively engaging in more lies than ever before. But is anyone out there enjoying a “deeper and more interesting life” because of it? Don’t perjure yourself by saying yes.
You may be wondering: What’s the point of this article, Mickey Z.?
I’d be lying if I told you I knew…
hahah damnnnn, just when i thought i was becoming a more honest person -- you go and expose all my lies!!!
One of the reasons I ditched Facebook years ago: so many lies! People posting about their idyllic lives when I knew it was false. Morbidly obese people posting pictures of themselves and their obese children and all the “So pretty!” responses.