This is such truth. And this is so difficult when forgiving those who continually abuse one’s trust and take advantage of one’s good nature and forgiving spirit. Thank you for this clear guidance on all the elements of apology and forgiveness. This, I will save and review daily.
I utilized the steps of this advice with my partner just this morning. I asked for the opportunity to and apologized for unkind words spoken in defense of, what I perceived, as undeserved criticism. I think the hardest part of apologizing is accepting that one may not receive a positive response, if any response at all, which I find is generally the case. Though it’s humbling, it’s discouraging at the same time. I take heart in doing what is required for my peace of mind and as directed by God.
I actually missed a word. The full quote is: Forgiving is giving up ALL hope of a better past. I heard this from a friend who was studying buddhist Philosophy.
Recently meditating, I've learned to forgive myself for the past suffering that I put myself through. Tears started flowing and I realized that the past is what it is and the only thing I can change is today! Such a relief to realize this common sense.
In Eastern Orthodoxy, during Lent, we have Forgiveness Sunday.
You bow to the person in front of you and then say: “Forgive me.” The other person responds: “God forgives. I forgive.” You then shake hands and kiss . And so it goes until each person has asked every other person for forgiveness.
It's amazing how transformative this can be. Meeting your teenage son's gaze and asking forgiveness for all the times you have been short-tempered with him. He asking for your forgiveness for all the times he has annoyed you in the millions of ways that teenage boys annoy their mothers. Asking your husband to forgive you for the times you have unintentionally hurt him or let him down with careless words or actions. He asking you the same.
That is so beautiful. I’ve heard Eastern Orthodoxy is THE church to attend It’s the one that has been the least compromised. I’m going to see if there’s one in my area somewhere.
I don't know which tradition you are from, but Orthodoxy is very different. It might be easy to feel a bit disorientated with the comings and goings and the icon kissing etc.
Release the need for blame. Maybe just me, but that's the hardest part and not often heard as part of forgiveness. Thank you for this post. Mercy is harder than it would seem!
The transgression has been forgiven, even though no forgiveness was asked, but the friendships are ruined. One is now to a point I am avoiding this person, and neither of my former 2 best friends will ever become a trusted person again. The new friendships are too recent or too distant, which makes that right now there are very little people to talk to. Thank God for Substack !
I'm sorry to hear of this, Ingrid. I trust you find some solace in having forgiven them but I can also relate to the inherent challenges of this scenario.
It's important to note, I think, that forgiveness requires NO action on the part of the one who committed the offence. They may have passed. They may not be contrite. Forgiveness is still possible.
Love this!❤️Some of the biggest turning points of my life happened after a major
forgiveness of self & others inventory. Like a 360-degree-life-baptism, a deep heart cleanse of forgiveness set the stage for sincere fresh starts. ✨✨💦
A small & powerful Hawaiian forgiveness prayer & healing technique called Ho’oponopono was introduced to me 10 years ago.... here are the words:
“I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.” I have found this soothing & smoothing to repeat... sometimes in order to prime the pump for forgiving/healing a situation. https://hooponoponomiracle.com/ho-oponopono-technique/. ❤️🙏✨
Sorry for my comments and subsequent deletes Mickey.. having trouble with my phone this morning and didn’t realize my earlier comments did go through anyway, thanks again for the post
This is such truth. And this is so difficult when forgiving those who continually abuse one’s trust and take advantage of one’s good nature and forgiving spirit. Thank you for this clear guidance on all the elements of apology and forgiveness. This, I will save and review daily.
Thank you, Cyn...and I also review daily (or hourly).
I utilized the steps of this advice with my partner just this morning. I asked for the opportunity to and apologized for unkind words spoken in defense of, what I perceived, as undeserved criticism. I think the hardest part of apologizing is accepting that one may not receive a positive response, if any response at all, which I find is generally the case. Though it’s humbling, it’s discouraging at the same time. I take heart in doing what is required for my peace of mind and as directed by God.
💖
My favorite quote on forgiveness is: Forgiving is giving up hope of a better past.
Whoa...thank you for sharing this.
I looked it up and it appears there is no agreement on attribution but it certainly belongs to all of us now.
I actually missed a word. The full quote is: Forgiving is giving up ALL hope of a better past. I heard this from a friend who was studying buddhist Philosophy.
Great quote. It's so simple yet so powerful!
Recently meditating, I've learned to forgive myself for the past suffering that I put myself through. Tears started flowing and I realized that the past is what it is and the only thing I can change is today! Such a relief to realize this common sense.
💖
In Eastern Orthodoxy, during Lent, we have Forgiveness Sunday.
You bow to the person in front of you and then say: “Forgive me.” The other person responds: “God forgives. I forgive.” You then shake hands and kiss . And so it goes until each person has asked every other person for forgiveness.
It's amazing how transformative this can be. Meeting your teenage son's gaze and asking forgiveness for all the times you have been short-tempered with him. He asking for your forgiveness for all the times he has annoyed you in the millions of ways that teenage boys annoy their mothers. Asking your husband to forgive you for the times you have unintentionally hurt him or let him down with careless words or actions. He asking you the same.
We probably need to do it more than once a year.
What a powerful tradition! Thank you for sharing and I concur...this needs to be a regular thing.
That is so beautiful. I’ve heard Eastern Orthodoxy is THE church to attend It’s the one that has been the least compromised. I’m going to see if there’s one in my area somewhere.
I'm was brought up an atheist in a socialist household, and I love Orthodoxy.
The liturgy is unchanged for 1000 years. I think because it has no central Pope figure the tradition is difficult to corrupt.
Interesting..I found 3 in my city. Going to check them out!
I hope you like it!
This is a good introduction https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YimgCkBbH7c
I don't know which tradition you are from, but Orthodoxy is very different. It might be easy to feel a bit disorientated with the comings and goings and the icon kissing etc.
Church of England/Anglican
Thanks very much!!
Release the need for blame. Maybe just me, but that's the hardest part and not often heard as part of forgiveness. Thank you for this post. Mercy is harder than it would seem!
I hear you. I know I have had times when I claimed to forgive but continued to carry a grudge.
The transgression has been forgiven, even though no forgiveness was asked, but the friendships are ruined. One is now to a point I am avoiding this person, and neither of my former 2 best friends will ever become a trusted person again. The new friendships are too recent or too distant, which makes that right now there are very little people to talk to. Thank God for Substack !
I think it's inevitable for the friendships to be ruined unless the former friends ask for forgiveness and promise not to do the transgression again.
I mean, it's a two way thing. You can't repair a friendship on your own.
Once my trust betrayed, I don't know if I can ever get even with that, even if an apology was offered, which I do not see coming.
One thing is for sure, they miss my birthday parties LOL. But I got enough takers there!
💕
I'm sorry to hear of this, Ingrid. I trust you find some solace in having forgiven them but I can also relate to the inherent challenges of this scenario.
Yep. Forgive but don't forget.
If they expect us to forget, it means that they still don't get the point: they were wrong, even if they were tricked into it.
I can't feel confident with someone who glosses over their mistakes or ignores them.
How can we trust them fully? We can't.
I am in a same boat. Yes thank goodness for Substack.
Thank you for this!
It's important to note, I think, that forgiveness requires NO action on the part of the one who committed the offence. They may have passed. They may not be contrite. Forgiveness is still possible.
Indeed! In an ideal situation, it's a productive dialogue. But not even a person's death can prevent us from forgiving them. Thank you.
I've often seen the anatomy of an apology written out, but never the anatomy of forgiveness. Thanks for this important piece <3
Thank you, as always, for reading and commenting. I treasure our conversations in which such topics are given time and space to evolve.
Best post ever for the times we live in.
You are far too kind but I'm deeply grateful if my words can offer any solace.
❤️
Forgiveness is for giving
So give yourself this gift from time to time
And let all of your mistakes
Become all of your greatest gifts in disguise
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5byKtoI5l0
❤️
Radical forgiveness. Truly a super power white magic act. Thank you. Blessings to all of us. The All is in all.
❤️
Love this!❤️Some of the biggest turning points of my life happened after a major
forgiveness of self & others inventory. Like a 360-degree-life-baptism, a deep heart cleanse of forgiveness set the stage for sincere fresh starts. ✨✨💦
💖
A small & powerful Hawaiian forgiveness prayer & healing technique called Ho’oponopono was introduced to me 10 years ago.... here are the words:
“I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.” I have found this soothing & smoothing to repeat... sometimes in order to prime the pump for forgiving/healing a situation. https://hooponoponomiracle.com/ho-oponopono-technique/. ❤️🙏✨
Thank you for sharing that, Malika! 💖
Great article. Maybe it should be taught in schools, if not at home.
💖
Work hard to never carry a grudge for they are quite a weight to bear in this life.
💖
Sorry for my comments and subsequent deletes Mickey.. having trouble with my phone this morning and didn’t realize my earlier comments did go through anyway, thanks again for the post
💖
You hit it out of the park! Outstanding essay!
Thank you! 🙂