Laura D: The Fall and Rise of a Homeless Artist

In her own words...

“The only place I felt I did anything right was art class.” 

Those are the words of Laura D.

She and I crossed paths in 2017 when she was homeless and panhandling near Bryant Park. (I was making my rounds in service of the one-man project to help homeless women I had started a year earlier.)

As I recently informed you, Laura died on January 18, 2024 — the precise day I “randomly” posted about her as a success story.

In her memory, I want to share a few excerpts from an interview I did with her in the summer of 2020.

From the interview intro:

“I began noticing and loving color at a very young age. My father was a chemist who made and sold pigments for a living. So, color made up my whole world. There were charts and test pigments all over the home I grew up in. As I got a little older — maybe 5 or 6 — my father and I would create stories together. He would write a sentence or two on a piece of notebook paper and I would illustrate it.” (Laura D)

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My project began with me creating packs of clothes, supplies, and food. I’d travel all around midtown Manhattan to hand them out. I learned a lot in the process.

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“At school, I was singled out for being strange/slow/odd. Kids can be very unforgiving. The only place I felt I did anything right was in art class. My father noticed and started to sign me up for anything I wanted to learn, artist book-making, found-object sculpture, figure drawing, oils, etc. At 12 years old, I took my first watercolor class.” (Laura D)

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As I earned the homeless women’s trust and they began to guide me on how to really help, the project took on a life of its own. For example, when I first met Laura D, she quickly explained to me how to be more effective when it came to giving out underwear.

“I enrolled at Otis College of Art and Design in Los Angeles and chose Fine Art as my major. Watercolor was seen as a craft. This is common in the art world; feminine things are often seen as craft. But, one year into my studies, I realized nothing was out of the question when it came to art. I started taking every studio class that would fit into my schedule! Before I knew it, I was triple majoring (drawing/painting, sculpture, and photography) because I wanted to learn it all!

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Eventually, I switched to giving out gift cards to local restaurants, coffee shops, and discount stores. This empowered the women to buy exactly what they wanted when they wanted it. They’d also gain access to a clean bathroom and get a temporary respite from the streets. It was a chance, some would tell me, to fit in and feel like everyone else for a little while.

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“I moved to New York and, through circumstances beyond my control (related to my beloved father’s illness and death), I ended up on the street. I was unable to gain employment, get food stamps, or even enter most shelters. The shelters that would accept me were qualified as “drop-in centers" and had NO security and NO drug tests. I was regularly threatened or beaten up by the other residents. (Laura D)

Excerpts from the Q&A: 

Mickey Z.: After all the obstacles you faced from officials and fellow residents at city shelters, you made the frightening choice to live and sleep outside. What types of challenges does a homeless woman in NYC have to deal with?

Laura D: Women on the street face insane challenges. The things a woman may think are her positive points become dangerous. Beauty becomes a burden. A decent figure opens you to being trolled as a prostitute. It’s worse than anyone would ever imagine unless they lived it. When I hit the street, the first sacrifice of something I prized about my body was to chop off all my hair. It was very long and I couldn’t maintain it. Next, I learned to rethink my clothing choices. I couldn’t wear tank tops, shorts, skirts, or anything that showed shape or figure. It brought unwanted attention from the type of man looking for someone desperate. They offer to pay, almost nothing, to make the homeless woman demean herself for the buyer’s pleasure. I lost all self, all self-esteem, all that was truly me living that way. I wouldn’t wish being a woman on the street on my worst enemy.

MZ: I must imagine this must have taken a huge emotional toll on you.

LD: Yes, the next thing I lost was most of my personality. I learned quickly that showing intelligence or brightness or joy or anything creative was seen as negative and insulting to other street people. So, mouth shut, eyes down, keep to yourself became my life. I even would go as far as trying to disguise myself as male when setting up a sleeping spot or getting in my sleeping bag. I woke up one too many times with men trying to get into the sleeping bag or jacking off over me. This was the low point. 

MZ: Were you able to keep yourself safe?

LD: I would sometimes take some of the money I earned and “hire” a homeless man to sleep near me, to protect me. But that often led to the men I hired being the ones to attack me. After one particular beating, I woke up in a hospital bed. Everything I owned had been stolen.

MZ: Despite all this abuse — some of which was at the hands of the NYPD — you persisted. You found a regular spot and began to panhandle for money.

LD: Yes, and this is around the time I met you! I couldn't muster seven words in a row. The first time I spoke more than a few words was actually to you, with the undergarments comments (see above). When you went out of your way to give me something I actually asked directly for, it changed my outlook. I realized that some people WANT to help! I started to show my personality! I started SMILING again. This is not something often done by the homeless. I was known as “f*ckin sunshine” or “that weirdo who smiles” within homeless circles in midtown. But I didn’t let it stop me.

MZ: I’ll never forget how excited I was to bear witness to this transition!

LD: It was the move I needed. I've never been a sad person at heart. I can become sad like anyone else, but I always felt life was far too short to dwell on things like that. This was the start of my 180-degree turnaround! I began to make friends. Having you and a few others helping me, I started to become more confident. I was still in a tough situation but I was feeling hope.

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Note: One of those who helped her was a psychologist whom Laura called Dr. Marc. He was ultimately the catalyst for her eventually having a place to live. But his initial impact was to convince Laura to start selling her art. From there, she began re-imagining her dreams, goals, and life. How honored I am to have witnessed this transition.

And how honored I am to have messages like this from Laura to cherish: “If you hadn't gotten me to open up a little, I wouldn't be here. You were the sunshine I needed when my world was all storms.”

NEVER DOUBT THAT YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE LIVES.

NEVER MISS AN OPPORTUNITY TO UTILIZE THAT POWER.

Laura D — Rest in Peace

August 25, 1988 – January 18, 2024