Males bond quickly when exploiting women

This brotherhood transcends race, class, age, religion, ethnicity, nationality, vaxxed or unvaxxed, and beyond

“Waste no more time arguing what a good man should be. Be one.”

(Marcus Aurelius)

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There is so much that divides us and we have endless wars to illustrate many of those divisions. But, never forget, we guys can instantly become pals when the common denominator is misogyny. 

This brotherhood transcends race, class, age, religion, ethnicity, nationality, vaxxed or unvaxxed, and beyond.

Unity among men exists when they are talking over women, interrupting them, mocking, assaulting, and abusing them. Harassing them, selling them, buying them. Stalking them, raping them, killing them. 

Do you want to see a group of male strangers spontaneously become buddies? Sit them in a room and watch what happens when a woman enters. Smiles, nods, high fives, crude commentary — for starters. Much worse, if the circumstances are “right.”

In alliance, we exploit women unselfconsciously in front of other men. Call them names. Critique their looks. Share nude photos of them. Broadcast their personal information.

We expect praise from our bros for these actions. Our status rises. Sexist jokes are universally met with laughter and acceptance. A trip to the “strip joint” is normal and expected. “Hiring a hooker” for a bachelor party is so widely accepted as to no longer warrant notice. Scroll down the comments section anywhere on the Internet and witness the intersectional harmony.

Again, such male rapport is so ubiquitous that it manifests when females are not present. For example, one man can board a subway train as a woman exits. A random man on the train will gawk at her body and then turn to the new man — a complete stranger — and say out loud: “Nice piece of ass, huh?”

He does so with no fear that he’ll be deemed inappropriate. In fact, the odds are the new guy will hetero-signal with something like, “I’d like to hit that.” He knows he’ll also get plenty of approving nods.

Men with nothing else in common find solidarity in degrading females. Sure, dudes don’t want other dudes to look at “their” women but in a broader, more universal sense: all females exist for our collective male entertainment.

Even the “good guys” play an important role.

For example, when I was in my early 20s, myself and three male friends drove to Virginia Beach for a one-week getaway. (I told you a little about that trip here.) Each of us was sort of seeing someone at the time. Only one guy (I’ll call him C) had an official girlfriend.

At the motel, we met a few women a couple of years younger than us and we sometimes hung out with them by the pool during the week. I recall they were there with their families from another part of Virginia. Sure, some flirting and playfulness occurred (they loved our NYC accents) but only C took things further. Much further.

He ended up alone on the beach with one of the young women as the sun went down. They had unprotected public sex. According to C, it went on for quite a while.

C was a large and imposingly tough New Yorker. When I look back now, I can more clearly recognize the implicit dynamics. Was the younger woman fully receptive to the idea of lengthy, condomless intercourse in public (especially pre-internet-porn)? If she changed her mind at some point, was she afraid to say so?

At the time, I most certainly didn’t congratulate C but I also didn’t analyze or question his actions in this manner.

A day or two after we got home, C and his girlfriend met up with a group of us. None of us “good guys” recoiled in horror and spilled the beans about C’s despicable deception. None of us urged his girlfriend to get tested for STDs.

“Good guys” may not cheat or convince strangers to have unprotected sex in public but we do zip our mouths shut when one of our brothers requires our loyalty.

The cops have their Blue Wall of Silence. The mobsters have omerta. But all males have a much deeper, more widespread bond of tacit consensus. 

As a younger man, I did not challenge this tacit bond. C was far from the only friend of mine who put me in the position of lying by omission around their girlfriend or wife (or both). I have to live with that but I stopped being party to such behavior a long time ago (which might help explain why I no longer have any close male friends).

But this is not about me. Please allow me to get a point more important than my past compliance:

Major, sustainable change will never arise through protesting, social media virtue signaling, giving talks, writing books, sharing memes, or trying to create a more perfect form of feminism.

The path is clear:

• Men must want to change.

• Men must change.

• Men must stay changed.

• Men must help other men change.

Spread the word, guys.

This may make many if not most men defensive but the only way to fully understand a particular path is to start walking it.

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Coda: Please spare me any male tears in the comments section. And I most certainly do not need anyone to explain to me that “not all men” do bad things and that sometimes, females can be complicit. I implore you to open your minds to the bigger, longer-term picture I’m discussing here and in recent posts. Allow yourself to see what has been staring you in the face. If this upsets you, look inward before lashing out at the messenger.

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