Everything you know about self-defense is wrong

When I began my martial arts training, I opted for one of the two Wing Chun Kung Fu schools in NYC at the time. One of them only accepted Chinese students so the choice was easy. I studied Wing Chun, of course, because it was Bruce Lee’s original style.

If I were starting out today, I’d probably begin with training in something like Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and go from there. That said, I’d still eventually want to try out Wing Chun due to the Bruce connection.

Anyway, since I’ve always been interested in aspects of self-defense, I thought I’d share some thoughts on the topic.

There are no secrets or magic formulas; “self-defense” makes no promises. Few if any pre-planned “moves” work. If anyone tells you otherwise, practice real self-defense and get away from them as quickly as possible!

Q. Who can practice self-defense? 

A. Everyone and anyone.

Contrary to YouTube, you don’t have to be strong, fast, experienced, “sexy,” or super fit. But you do have to be committed.

This brings me to the pledge: “I will resist and I will survive, by any means necessary.”

The idea is to recognize that, with self-defense, nothing is more important than commitment: 

• Decide in advance to survive.

• Condition your mind to defend yourself and who/what you love.

• Condition your body to endure.

• Live in a state of awareness.

• Take time to learn some useful tools like kicks, punches, blocks, etc. But never forget: anything goes. There’s no such thing as fighting “dirty.”

I’ll say it again: There are no secrets, no magic formulas, and no promises. More often than not, pre-planned “moves” don’t work.

If I regularly practiced fire drills, would you believe I was “ready” to deal with any type of fire, anywhere, at any time? Of course not. With self-defense, there is no script. It’s all improv. If (when?) your turn to be attacked arrives, first and foremost: be committed to fighting back. 

“I will resist and I will survive, by any means necessary.”

Yours truly at age 22.

Alongside commitment is awareness. We must recognize and accept the realities of what we’re up against and then do the work to stay as safe as possible within the confines of such pervasive danger. 

This is not victim-blaming, e.g. “Why was she in that neighborhood or wearing her headphones?” Predators are predators. It’s not you, your outfit, how much you drank, the way you danced, or the route home you took. The predator is the only one to blame. Always.

Thus, a major part of awareness = understanding more about predators. 

For the record, when I discuss predators, I refer to them as males (he, him, etc.). The reason for this is frighteningly simple and accurate: The VAST majority of predators are male. To state otherwise is to deny the evidence and potentially put oneself at increased risk.

Since I’m certain that at least one person out there will take offense at this line of thought, here is a brief list of different types of murders following by the percentage of which are committed by males (in the U.S.):

• Child murders (killed by someone other than a parent): 81 percent

• Eldercide: 85 percent

• Argument murders: 86 percent

• Workplace murders: 91 percent

• Gun homicide: 91 percent

• Sex-related murders: 94 percent

• Multiple victims: 94 percent

• Drug-related murders: 96 percent

• Gang-related murders: 98 percent

Predator-Prey Dynamic

The predator almost always has the advantage of surprise. He knows when and where he will attack and he is not looking for a fair fight. Therefore, we can never, ever be 100 percent ready against such predators. How about 50 percent? That might be doable, but we must really prepare. 

This means studying and never underestimating predators. It’s a lot to stomach but the more you know about predators, the quicker you’ll recognize and thus avoid them.

More to consider:

• Predators test and push boundaries.

• Predators target, stalk, and plan.

• They are counting on you not being aware; they expect you to not be wary of, say, walking or parking near a van.

• They usually work in teams.

• They groom victims and can be extremely patient if they deem it necessary.

• They’ll pretend to be innocent. Even during an actual assault, a predator will assure you: “Do what I say and you won’t get hurt.” This is bullshit. Criminal records are teeming with examples to the contrary. Such a predator is already hurting you and has no intention of stopping. It would just make things simpler if he could maneuver you into frightened compliance.

• If confronted by a predator, try everything to get away (more about that soon) but always, always assume they are armed and that they have armed accomplices nearby.  

• When it comes to contemplating how to survive an encounter with a predator: Expect the worst because that’s probably what you will get.

Remember the pledge: “I will resist and I will survive, by any means necessary.”

Simultaneously, you must learn about yourself. You must study your daily routines and environments. You can practice role reversal via self-stalking: meticulously analyze your own patterns. Try to see yourself the way a predator may see you.

More awareness advice:

• If you are using your cell phone, let the person you are talking to know where you are: This also tells those around you that someone knows your location. Because you will not be able to hear as well, be sure to keep your eyes alert and attentive.

• Be aware of how your clothes, bags, etc. may help you or may hinder you in the case of an attack. Make any changes that can help you stay safe.

• If you think someone is following you, don’t lead them to your home or a secluded place. Go to a place full of people with whom you feel safe or go into a store and let them know you are being followed.

• See if there is an object in each room of your home, something you can get to if you needed to defend or shield yourself from an attacker—someone known or a stranger.

Obviously, it’s not easy to become aware of and accept what you’ll learn. Perhaps this is why so few people do it. But please know this: Whether or not you do the work to commit and expand awareness, predators will be doing the work to seek out what they perceive as easy prey.

Yours truly at age 21

By now, you’d perhaps characterize my presentation as, um… discouraging?  But this time around, I have some good news.

You’re left to wonder:

Q. What should we do? 

A. Whatever works. 

Q. How do we know what works? 

A. We don’t.

(that’s obviously not the good news)

Since practiced and memorized “moves” are usually forgotten in high-stress situations, the number one choice (if possible) is GET AWAY or at least create distance — even though almost all YouTube “self-defense” videos seem based on the treacherous idea of you sticking around to kick ass. (still not the good news)

The first bit of good news: Your mind and body are hard-wired for such situations. It’s called the “fight or flight” response and the physiological changes it automatically activates may save your life. Here are a few of those changes:

• Blood flow is diverted to our muscles

• Blood pressure, heart rate, fats, and blood sugars increase to supply us with more energy

• Muscles become tenser, providing us with extra speed and strength 

• In advance of possible injury, our blood clotting function speeds up

So, with all that evolution on your side, please choose “flight” whenever and wherever possible. If you imagine running is dangerous or ill-advised — especially if the predator is armed — I have more (kinda) good news for you: 

• Less than 5 percent of predators with a gun, fire it. Of that tiny amount, only 10 percent of those fired upon are killed (virtually all point blank). Step one: Create distance. 

• Gun-wielding predators hit their target only 4 percent of the time and their aim gets worse over distance and/or with a moving target. Step one: Create distance.

• Predators wielding a knife use their weapon of choice more often (21 percent of the time) but, obviously, it’s a close-range weapon. Step one: Create distance.

But what if we can’t get away and have to “fight”? 

1. Create as much distance as possible.

2. Recognize your voice as your next line of defense.

Speak in LOUD statements, not questions. You are not negotiating with the human excrement confronting you. No! Stop! STOP! I don’t know you and I want you to leave. I want you to leave now! Go Away! Get Back. GET BACK! I said “NO”! 

He might threaten you. He might try manipulating (Calm down, relax, I’m not gonna hurt you). He might get loud. Expect the worst because that’s probably what you will get. But keep creating distance and keep staying loud.

Yet more good news: you are never unarmed. Activate your search engine — even better, your imagination — to conjure up a list of potential weapons improvised from everyday items. Stick-like, pointy, or sharp things — of course. Blunt objects, liquid or powdered chemicals, and boiling water. A backpack or jacket rapidly waved in tight figure-8s is an excellent way to create all-important distance. Anything and everything that can inflict massive injury are open to you. 

(Side note #1: Pepper spray. Buy it, carry it, and use it when necessary.)

Your attacker is not looking for a fair fight so please don’t ever feel obligated to give him one. Predators are willing to commit all levels of atrocities. Therefore, in resisting them: Anything goes. There is and will never be such a thing as fighting “dirty.” Predators have earned zero respect so please — I implore you — act accordingly.

This not only increases your chances of survival but may leave identifying marks — bites, an earring ripped from an ear, visible scratches, damaged or gouged eyes, etc. — that will make it more likely the predator is found should he escape your fury.

If a physical confrontation appears inevitable, a possible first step is to assume a protective stance. I’m not going to offer much how-to via an article but this one is fundamental: firm footing, constant eye contact (while using peripheral vision), and hands up in front of you in sort of a “surrender” position. This will give the (false) impression that you’re not planning to defend yourself while also keeping your hands in position to quickly block and/or strike.

(Side note #2: This would be a good time to try noticing identifying marks like tattoos, birthmarks, etc.)

Again, it’s ill-advised to attempt too much instruction in an article. For now, I’ll highlight some primary targets and strikes: 

• Eyes: finger strikes or gouging motion

• Nose: palm heel, head-butt (only if comfortable and familiar with such a blow)

• Throat: fingers, fist

• Kneecaps: front kick (if you have any practice with delivering kicks)

(Side note #3: Kicks look great in movies, video games, and MMA matches but the safest choice in a street situation is to keep both feet on the ground to maintain balance.)

In a more advanced article or seminar, I might discuss defending against a knife. For now, some basics:

• The first choice remains: get away!

• And if you can’t get away, create distance.

• If faced with an inactive knife (held in one hand with a stationary predator), you are in a position to use your voice to negotiate while surveying the scene (escape routes, possible predator accomplices, identifying marks, nearby help, etc).

• With an active knife, assume a stance something like the one described above, except more “boxer” style: hands clenched in fists with palms facing you.

• When striking back, always remember the primary targets.

• If you have a backpack or jacket/shirt, this is an ideal time for the figure-8s defense mentioned in the “improvised weapon” section above.

• Reality: Be prepared to bleed.

(Side note #4: Facing a non-ballistic weapon can be frightening but some weapons serve to “limit” the attacker’s psychological approach thus, his options. Weapon-wielding predators often focus solely on using this singular weapon. Contemplate that advantage in advance so you can exploit it when and if necessary.)

Yours truly (right) at age 26.

Summary

Since self-defense bares little resemblance to what we see in movies or how-to videos, please allow me to sum up:

• There are no secrets, no magic formulas, and no promises.

• More often than not, pre-planned “moves” do not work.

• If you decide to take classes, opt for something that is practical on the street

• Commit in advance to fighting back.

• Practice awareness of yourself and others.

• Learn as much as possible about predators.

• Our bodies are designed to resist and survive.

• Your chances of survival increase if your first choice is to get away. If you cannot get away, create distance and use your voice.

• You are never unarmed.

Mostly, I hope I’ve helped deconstruct some dangerous myths and inspired you to contemplate this crucial topic more intensely and frequently. And, of course, please remember the pledge: 

I will resist and I will survive, by any means necessary.