Are you an "activist" or do you just play one on social media?
People in need don't need ego, judgment, or pep talks
George Bernard Shaw (who married into financial independence) once said:
“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them.”
Translation: The people who “get on in this world” are the people privileged enough to “make their own circumstances.”
Anyone so fortunate should be making “circumstances” that assist and empower those in need — without question or judgment.
The people I help every day are amazing — at least as amazing as GB Shaw, I propose — and I dare anyone to explain to them why they just need to stop believing in circumstances.
The people I help — especially the homeless women — didn’t “fail” at positive thinking or meditation. They were most often beaten and abused by men who claimed to love them. They now live with a wide range of mental and physical health conditions.
Every day, they are spit on, mocked and scorned, have their money cups kicked over, told to get a job, accused of being “fake,” called crackheads, “propositioned” by men of all stripes (including cops), and more. When all of this isn’t happening, they’re made to feel invisible.
These women still get up each day and panhandle with a smile. They do whatever it takes to shower and care for themselves while jumping through bureaucratic hoops in the name of trying to get health insurance, food stamps, and one day: housing.
The women I’ve helped go on job interviews but how many of us realize how difficult it is to find sustainable work when you do not have a permanent address? They defend their panhandling space on the streets all day and sleep with a knife nearby to fend off predators all night.
The women I’ve helped cultivate survival skills the likes of which few of us could ever imagine. How’s that for making your own circumstances?
They don’t need judgment. They also don’t need outsiders to tell them what help they should accept.
They also really don’t need pep talks.
I remember one day, before the lockdowns, I approached the usual corner for one of my regulars (I’ll call her T for now) in Manhattan. I could see from across the street that a woman in business attire had squatted down to talk with her. T appeared to be agitated.
When I got right up to them, I could see that T was crying. She was repeating — over and over — lines like: “Tell me where to go” and “Where do I go when I get up?” and “Do you have any idea what it's like for someone like me?” and “What makes you think I don’t want my life back?”
Not wanting to interrupt unless I was asked, I waited a few feet away. I heard the woman eventually tell T that she would be back tomorrow with some “answers.”
To recap: The woman must have worked in the area because she passed T almost every day and sometimes gave her a couple of bucks. Then, she began “encouraging” T to “get her life together.”
That day, the woman squatted down close to T, looked her in the eye, and said: “I’ve seen you sitting here for more than a year and (she paused for effect like she was in a Hallmark movie) it’s time for you to get up.”
FYI: T once built an abundant and happy life for herself. The actions of an abusive, violent, and nearly homicidal male “partner” landed T in the ICU and then onto the streets.
She went on job interviews but didn’t have a permanent address. All her IDs had been stolen. If she took a day to deal with the bureaucracy of getting a new ID (an effort that has maybe a 20 percent chance of bringing success), she didn’t get to panhandle that day and thus, could not afford a room and had to sleep on the street again.
Someone like T doesn’t need a pep talk. Homeless women aren’t just unmotivated. This isn’t a spin class. It’s a brutal reality that can happen to any one of us in the blink of an eye.
T needed to rant that day so I stuck around.
“All these people walking past me think they know me?” she yelled. “I wish just one of them would stop and explain how it is that they know everything. How they have it all figured out. Share that news with me. Tell me the magic words that will make all this end. Do they think I wanted to lose everything? That I chose this life? I didn’t even lose everything. I had it taken from me!”
Friends, save the pep talks for Crossfit. Save the judgment for internet flame wars.
When you see a person in need, listen, ask them what they need, or simply give them whatever money you can afford to give. Wish them luck. Let them know you see them and sincerely want them to have their life back.
If you truly want to serve others, it requires you to check your pride (and Shaw’s “circumstances”) at the door and re-learn virtually everything you think you know about helping.
I urge you to take on this evolving challenge and appreciate how much joy it brings into your life.
In the meantime, you can support my work by checking out the links below. Thanks in advance…
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Thank you for this sobering reminder 😞🙏🏽
Amen. And amen to what T said (and she said it a lot better than the likes of GBS or the business suit woman could have).